“Elenore, gee I think you’re swell…

January 27, 2010

…and you really do me well!”

The Eleanor I’m referring to is the lovely first lady, Eleanor Roosevelt. She really has done me well.  She said it all:

Do something everyday that scares you.” & “You must do things you think you cannot.”

Quite frankly, this is the best advice I’ve ever received, albeit it was not personally directed to me. The only force great enough to keep you from pursuing your ambitions and your desires is that which lies within yourself. I find these two quotes, which coincidentally share the same origin, to be the truest, most sincere, and highly motivating that anyone could hear. In retrospect, I’d be lost without these words.

So, I ‘spose I should be getting to my point…

Once upon a time, I was blue. Blue without a cause, blue without a beat… just blue. In the dark days of my dysfunctional relationship with food and with myself, I was scared of many things. Scared to socialize, scared to branch out.  Just flat out scared of everything. To simplify this equation of epic & depressing proportions, I will use peanut butter as my example.

I wouldn’t touch it, not with a 100 10 foot pole. Nutritional content aside (high fat content), the whole essence of it petrified me. The nutty aroma, a said ‘creamy’ texture, rich taste… it was off limits due to my nonsensical notion that it was an extreme ‘indulgence’. That it was in everyones favorite snack–pb&j–just added salt to the wound. Everyone ate it, so I took that as another reason to avoid it. Case in point, I feared it greatly.

Once I had my head on straight and officially DECLARED my desired independence from my eating disorder, I reckoned the first thing I ought to do was eat some damn peanut butter, because, honestly, I was sick of being scared. I bit the bullet and reintroduced peanut butter into my life. I faced my fear head on and am now reaping the benefits. I walked into the light. I am happier now than I ever have been, and all it took was some balls and the audacity to kick my eating disorder’s ass. I just did it. I stopped asking questions, I stopped worrying about all the ifs, ands, or buts… I was determined… and with my determination, I did something that scared me. I did something I thought I couldn’t. That one choice lead to many others, resulting in a much stronger Sam ( who is currently enjoying a lovely and  indefinitely long state of matrimony with peanut butter )

Seriously, do something everyday that raises the hairs on your arm. Do something that would normally send you on a quest for excuses. Just do it. Whether it be eating a big bowl of ice cream, riding a bike for the first time (and you’re not a little kid), or confronting a friend… it’s better if you just do it, for life is too short to sweat the little things. Live in happiness, not in fear.

I don’t normally like to discuss on the blog my days of my eating disorder, but I felt it appropriate in this post. I hope you can take something from this.

Have a terrific evening!


17 Responses to ““Elenore, gee I think you’re swell…”

  1. thank you sam. i hope you know how incredibly inspiring you are. its time for me to step up to the plate. i’m scared, but i have hope. this evening you have given me hope.

  2. Lexi Says:

    I had a similar fear of peanut butter, and I agree, facing my fear was one of the best things I could’ve done. in all aspects of my life, facing fears has only brought more good.

    Have a lovely evening, great post 🙂

  3. Jenny Says:

    idfjidjgiojgiojgiosjifosjoijivd this post is the best damn thing i’ve ever read. Oh my god. Oh my god. Can I kiss you?!?!

    I shutter at the thought of my life without PB. It’s brought so much bliss and happiness in to my world – as have you. I want a PB&Sam sandwich right now 🙂

    I love you so much you have no idea ❤

  4. Thank you so much for this post, and the comment you made on my blog 🙂

    This is honestly something I needed to read today, and I am so thankful for it. Suddenly my problems don’t feel quite so scary, and the desire to continuously challenge myself is growing.

    You are truly a beautiful person 🙂


  5. daintyvegan Says:

    Why are you so smart? This was an AMAZING post. You’re right, we should continue to do something that scares us or shakes up the boundaries of our comfort zones. I try to do this although sometimes I forget and stay within my walls.

    Great post, Sam!

  6. Eleanor Says:

    Live in happiness, not in fear.
    I can’t tell you how much I love that quote. It’s so true! Why live in fear – caged up and scared of everythin – when we could be living happily, smiling and laughing and taking the good with the bad, but not letting the bad hold us down? Why put ourselves through sadness when we have the ability to be happy?

    You’re incredible, Sam. Thank you so much for this beautiful post! You brought a little ray of hope into my day.


  7. Cathy Says:

    As a 23 year old who has struggled with her fair share of similar feelings, I just wanna say how incredibly wise beyond your years you are. I’m now in such a great place, but I missed out on a lot of fun years. You should be so proud of yourself for being where you are at this point in your life 🙂

    Great blog–keep up the good work!

  8. Katie Says:

    Amazing post. I don’t think I could have said it better. Peanut butter was one of my greatest fears when I was battling my anxiety of food. Now, I look at peanut butter as a gift, something to love and cherish. It is a staple in my daily food intake and I, too, am reaping the benefits and loving every minute of it. 🙂

  9. seekmyself Says:

    Those are some great quotes; I’ll have to use them for motivation when the times get rough… I think facing fears is one of the most important things in recovering from an ED. I was terrified of nut butters as well, but reintroducing them was one of the best things I did… And you’re right, it’s scary. Scary, but doable… and totally worth it 🙂

  10. Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth) Says:

    such an inspiring and beautiful post. i agree- just DO IT. Just recover 🙂 u know? love ya girl!


  11. devan Says:

    peanut butter was such a fear for me too
    reading blogs , and seeing recovery stories, and everyone sharing their love for PB was huge inspiration to me.

    now though.. i fear nuts. how silly!! 😦

  12. Reigne Says:

    What a great post!

    You’re right. If our lives are restricted because our fears, than they’re not worth living. Their have been many situations in my life, where I’ve had to branch beyond my fears (yes, I too suffered a fear of PB when my disordered eat was at its worst), and their’s no regrets here. Just new possibilities, new oppourtunities. 🙂

    Congratulations on winning the art competition! You’re a very talented girl Sam. 🙂


  13. Rachael Says:

    This is such an incredible and inspiring post and considering I juuust started a “eat pb every day” fear blasting challenge to kick ED in the ass, I couldn’t have read it at a better time. Hopefully someday (preferably sooner rather than later 😉 ) I’ll be posting words half as insightful as yours… And taking pictures with my new best buddy Jif as well! Thanks again for the motivation.


  14. devan Says:

    And too, amazing words. You put it all so beautifully. We really need to conquer these fears. We cannot live life in one fear.. (Ed) We have to do something each day that scares us.. however small. because that will only make up stronger.

  15. Mitri Says:

    Thanks for sharing this; I know sometimes we don’t want to talk about these things, and sometimes we just want to help others by talking about it!

    I’ve never 100% banned peanut butter from my life, but I definitely went through a phase where I, too, considered it “an indulgence” and I was “bad” if I “indulged.” And I’d never eat a full serving.

    Those days are gone 😉 FOR THE BOTH OF US!

  16. mayapamela Says:

    I have a similar experience with peanut butter. I never banned it but I definitely considered it an indulgence that could only be eaten in private. How silly!

    For some reason your photos didn’t come up for me, I could only see them if I hovered my mouse over the white space, but I’m not sure if that’s just for me at my work computer. Just thought I would let you know!

  17. Emily Says:

    you are such an insightful person!
    this post was truly heartwarming 🙂


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